Some thoughts on Marriage from someone who’s been there

This article is not a primer or guidebook on marriage, so if the reader is seeking marriage advice might I suggest Dear Abby, a member of the clergy, or perhaps Dr. Phil McGraw. Indeed, there are many sources to choose from on the subject and I am sure that close friends or relatives are only too willing and eager in most cases in offering their two cents; and “For Free” on top of that. What I am sharing is an unsolicited perspective based on what I know and have observed, and I certainly do not claim to be an expert because I don’t claim ownership to the answer of marital happiness or success; but I can give my opinion on some aspects of the experience. Let me start off by saying that I think an individual should not marry until later in life. Of course someone will mention their parents or good friends who married in their teens to a childhood sweetheart and are happily celebrating a 50th wedding anniversary, or have renewed their vows as senior citizens, and all that. Yes, there are many couples who have done such a thing and I do not mean any disrespect to the marital bond, love and commitment that have kept them together these many years, and I am sure they do not see themselves as the exceptions to the rule but rather just an average couple who found their soul mate, fell in love and got married. Even more interesting than that are the people who are totally opposite from the other, and yet in spite of these differences they are very happily married and wouldn’t have it any other way.

I wish that all marriages were like these but unfortunately such is not the case. There are of course socioeconomic factors at play that affect marital relationships, and the one thing that I have pondered about is that social science reveals the human brain is not fully developed until around the age of 24; so what does this have to do with marital longevity when millions of people marry young and stay that way until severe physical/mental disability or the death of one spouse end the marriage? I think when one is attracted to another person in many cases it is based on physical/sexual attraction and saying you are in love is a convenient culturally acceptable gift wrapping meant to satisfy certain social expectations reinforced by the established religious institution of holy matrimony as well as civil/moral authorities and through cultural/ethnic religious traditions. I mean, how many betrothed or engaged couples would not say they are getting married because they “love” the other person as opposed to saying they are taking the person off the market, or honestly admit to the sexual attraction first and foremost?  Is it possible that someone could be in love with the idea of being in “LOVE” or in love with the idea of being “MARRIED” because of the societal value placed on the experience and influence of the Christian Church that condemns illicit [outside of marriage] physical contact of a sexual nature?

Marriage is serious business involving a lifelong commitment that many younger people and quite a few older ones might not be able to fulfill, despite trying their best. The older teenager or early twenties person has just barely been emancipated from under the authority of a parent or legal guardian, and yet think he/she is able to take on the responsibility of marriage and raising a family with another person for the rest of their natural life, that is quite a leap of faith. Let’s face it, most of us weren’t thinking about the future but only the present-what we look like or how we are now and not about 40 years from now when the gray hair or bald areas appear on our scalp; the body is not toned, firm, and athletic and there is a bulging stomach, sagging breasts, varicose veins in our legs; flatter hips, our chest is not the ripped six-pack abs and that low BMI (Body Mass Index) of around 10% is now30%  or higher and our triglycerides and cholesterol (HDL) levels are high and we have plaque clogging our arteries, and most of all, the sex that used to be what we wanted to engage in everyday is almost nonexistent now.  This is the reality awaiting someone contemplating marriage that needs to look-into the future, your future. Also, if you think about it seriously, since each person sleeps approximately 8 hours daily on average, a 24 year old has spent 8 years of their time with their head on a pillow asleep and have enjoyed a mere 16 years enjoying life; that is surely not enough time to mature physiologically, socially, mentally, intellectually, mentally, and almost every other way to make such decision regarding marriage.

The American cultural lifestyle experience worships youth, beauty, physicality, sexuality, virility, instant gratification and not so much the qualities and benefits associated with age, patience, time and wisdom. We want to enjoy what is deemed the best NOW because later in life that treasured opportunity available at the very moment won’t be as good later and has no or limited usefulness. Love is for the young and NOT for those “young of heart,” which is just old age sentimentality; if one is really honest. Perhaps some of the reasons contributing to the high divorce rate and marital infidelity is because the individuals were not ready to give up their independence, freedom and autonomy but because of external pressures and expectations went ahead and got married anyway. There are countless examples of married couples who were right for each other but they married to soon instead of waiting until their heart [feelings] matched up with their head [intelligence/maturity]. There are many thousands who married early than they should have who are bitter, filled with resentment, anger, and regret- playing those old tapes over and over again in the minds, “If only I could do it all over again, I would . . . “

Finally, adding to that, marrying someone before both/either of you experience PMS (Pre-Midlife crisis Syndrome) just might be headed for a marriage on the rocks. Since the brain and all other high level functions don’t fully develop until the twenties it would seem prudent that it should take just as many years to understand the social world you live in, and plan a life as well as career where becoming an adult with family responsibilities would be much more realistic and enjoyable.

Robert Randle

776 Commerce St. #B-11

Tacoma, WA 98402

October 13, 2014

robertrandle51@yahoo.com

Columbus Day should be rescinded as a holiday

I am not sure about the rationale behind celebrating the exploits of the European mariner from Italy who discovered the New World (North America); and for that reason he deserves to have such an honor bestowed upon him? Besides, he didn’t discover America anyway. In the books, LEGENDS, LIES & Cherished Myths of American History, by Richard Shenkman, and Don’t Know Much About History, by Kenneth C. Davis, this explorer is presented more as a mass murderer than a hero. He was responsible for the extermination of thousands of Arawak Indians on the island of Haiti [NOTE: These are the same tribal ancestors referred to as the Taino in Hispaniola and the Bahamas referenced in Smithsonian.com]. According to historian Howard Zinn, the celebrated Columbus wanted a tribute of gold to take back to Spain from Indians fourteen years and above; those who did not comply had the hands cut off and bleed to death.

He goes on to recount that two years after Columbus’ arrival 250,000 Indians on Haiti died from murder, mutilation, or suicide. As a result of the indigenous population’s encounter with Columbus, his fellow explorers from Spain, following in his footsteps continued with the same and even worse mistreatment of the Arawak that by 1515 there were just 50,000 Indians left; in 1550 only 500 remained; by 1650 there were none (zero). Because Columbus discovered a peaceful people who welcomed him and his crew with kindness and open arms, now they no longer exist. If there was ever more incriminating evidence for crossing out October 8 on the calendar, then I cannot think of a stronger case to be made. This was genocide and ethnic cleansing in its most egregious and highest form and truly a holocaust for them. To honor this man after the atrocious murder and enslavement of men, women, and children would be like the Jews celebrating Adolph Hitler-which of course, warrants no further commentary; and so it should be with this evil man, too. Instead of the surname "Cristobal" that refers to someone of saintly character he should be named "Diabolos" for his deeds are more closely related to Satan than Christ.

  

So, why would there be national recognition of a man such as this-it all has to do with repeatable criminal acts. Columbus came to a foreign land and “discovered” a people already living there and subjugated them while wanting their gold. The European settlers to America that established the 13 colonies also “discovered” Indians living here, also. However, unlike Columbus who wanted to fill the royal treasury in Spain to reimburse King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella the cost for subsidizing his voyages (ship, cargo, and crew, etc.), in America there was the expansion westward under the mantra of “Manifest Destiny” to dislocate indigenous people comprising 500 separate nations (including colonial tribes) and government complicity in the crime of the ages by granting large tracts of land to any White settler who was up to the challenge of taming the wilderness frontier-except that the Indians were there first and ostensibly standing in the way of progress and profits. To make a long story short, the First Nations tribes and people are about a fraction of what they once were, along with losing the vast tracts of land that they once owned; having been taken away by military conquest and through legal treaties that were never adjudicated (enforced) consistently in their favor in state/ federal courts, the Supreme Court or ratified by just acts Congressional legislation. This pattern of exploitation and subjugation is not quite the genocide that was done to the Arawak, but it is still near cultural annihilation in almost every significant and conceivable way. So, why does America still celebrate this mass murderer's deeds; that's a very good question, indeed.

Robert Randle

776 Commerce St #B-11

Tacoma, WA 98402

October 11, 2014

robertrandle51@yahoo.com

Race is no longer an issue in America?

There is sign carried by one of the members for Veterans for Peace that reads: THE FIRST CASUALTY OF WAR IS TRUTH and nothing could be more appropriate than to lead the discussion on this important topic of race. There has always been differentiation or segmentation of human beings since primitive hunter/gathering tribal groups migrated out of the African savannah millennia ago. It is not my intention or interest to teach a course on Cultural Anthropology, Biblical Archaeology, Biology, Sociology, Microbiology, Genetics, or even History, but rather to mention these disciplines as a possible starting point when it pertains to understanding race; so let’s begin. Any cursory reading of our nation’s most cherished document, the Constitution, will reveal in plain language that “race” was an issue from the founding of the Republic. This problem was a concern that Thomas Jefferson addressed in his personal letters, as well as those of the “Great Emancipator” Abraham Lincoln. The color line on race, especially as it pertains to the American experience, was drawn a long time ago and was exported by the colonial settlers from Europe (old, medieval, renaissance, or classical, etc.); it doesn’t matter which era.

Christianity played no small role in the formation of a hierarchy or strata of people based on interpretation of the Bible relative to geography, cultural traditions, language, and physical characteristics. Not only that, color schema throughout Holy Writ depict ‘white’ as something holy, pure, virtuous, light, good, saintly, heavenly and more like God. On the other hand, blackness/darkness is considered evil, corrupt, defiled, rejected, hellish (outer darkness, the blackness of darkness), pain, misery, death (Sheol/the grave), and God separated the Darkness from the Light; there is no fellowship between light and darkness, though your sins be as scarlet (crimson red) they shall be as white as snow; and so on. The implicit meaning is one of “otherness” and doubtless may have influenced the cultural foundation for instituting a system for racial discrimination based on the distinctiveness of skin pigmentation due to phenotype. The scientific research only served as a backdrop to justify social attitudes that had already been inculcated among the masses of the White majority, even if it was on a subconscious or subliminal level. Race is a cultural construct but it has deep meaning in the society, eliciting emotional and physiological reactions because of constant and unrelenting exaggerated stereotype propaganda. Of course, it doesn’t necessarily have to be negative but it is an identifying marker for certain group behavior that supposedly is measured against the values and normative lifestyle of the dominant control group against whom everyone else (the ‘other/s’) are measured. There was, and the attitude might still linger among Whites, that no matter how worse off your circumstances you are still better than any Black person (or non-White for that matter)-simply because of having White skin. White skin privilege, physicality, or intellectual superiority is a myth that has been shattered long time ago but statistics have to be skewed and history deconstructed in a revisionist version to perpetuate this false belief.

Be that as it may, race is a convenient lie, an invention created by those who exert power in society and control the factors of production as well as all the other systems and institutions-to safeguard their propertied interests. The thing that is real is physical biology, and even those attributes aren’t all that significantly different among exogenous and endogenous groups. Since race is an illusion then the idea of a ‘pure’ race or some kind of inherent racial superiority divinely bestowed upon a particular people of European stock based on “Manifest Destiny” is also not true as well. In attempting to deconstruct this inherited fallacy of race I almost forgot to address the main purpose for the article, namely, to raise a serious question as to the absurdity of those proponents of an America where ‘race’ is no longer a concern. I can understand if mainstream media talks about a post-racial America but when Black intellectuals advocate this lunacy then I have to take notice. This reminds me of the lyrics to a song by Curtiss Mayfield of the soul group ‘The Impressions’ back in the 1960’s where he says “educated fools from uneducated schools. . .” So, to the individuals who cling to the neoliberal diatribe that class has replaced race, I have a little exercise for you, although in point of fact you take it every day-but here goes: When you walk out of your residence and come in contact with any person while engaging in some type of transaction for a product, service, or whatever it might be, do you notice class or race? What class, or is it race, that comprise the people that you interact with at the supermarket, bank, department store, restaurant, car dealership, or on your job? What class is in the majority of nearly every institution or organization in America-or is it no longer race? I could go on and on but I think the point has been made. No, race is still an issue in this country as it was from its foundation and will continue to be for as long as people continue to be spoon-fed on a steady diet of lies, half-truths and distortions. Yes, we are different but it is not because of ‘race’ but rather differentiation in our genetic markers. These changes and adaptations were necessary evolutionary mechanisms for survival as members of one race of Homo sapiens whose primordial ancestors made serial migrations away from our common place of origin from the African continent. Our diversity as far as phenotype is a badge of triumph in overcoming environments that were hostile, deadly and threatened our continuity as a human species, and of which we should celebrate instead of getting bogged down in the miry quicksand of race delusion.

Robert Randle

776 Commerce St. #B-11

Tacoma, WA 98402

October 7, 2014

robertrandle51@yahoo.com